THE SEASONS OF FATHERHOOD

Victor M. Eskew

 

INTRODUCTION

 

A.   The home is under attack today.

1.    The father has been taken out of many homes.

2.    We do not know the definition of a woman.

3.    Children are raised by two mothers or two fathers.

4.    Some believe that our children belong to the government.

5.    The home no longer has clear roles.

6.    Many engage in the blessings of homelife without following God’s rules regarding the home.

7.    One out of every two homes still falls victim to divorce.

8.    Most homes in the United States do not have God as the foundation of the home.

 

B.   With such attacks on the home, it is surprising that we still have holidays devoted to mothers and fathers.

1.    Mother’s Day is celebrated on the second Sunday of May.

2.    Father’s Day is celebrated on the third Sunday of June.

 

C.   Today is that special day for fathers.  In this lesson, we want to discuss:  “The Stages of Fatherhood.”

 

I.             PRE-FATHERHOOD

 

A.   Pre-fatherhood is that time that passes before one becomes a father.  Usually that is from 0 to 25 years old.

 

B.   Pre-fatherhood is extremely important for those who will one day become fathers. 

1.    The Bible teaches that the father is the head of the house.

a.    He is the head of the wife (Eph. 5:23).

 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church:  and he is the Saviour of the body.

 

b.    He is the spiritual leader in the home (Eph. 6:4).

 

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath:  but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

 

2.    The Bible teaches that he is to be the provider for the home (1 Tim. 5:8).

 

But if any man provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

 

C.   To adequately fulfill these two roles alone, an individual must prepare himself diligently.

1.    The individual must understand himself.

2.    The individual must have a good knowledge of Scripture.

3.    The individual needs to know about leadership.

4.    The individual needs to adequately prepare to make a living for his family.

5.    The individual needs to give serious thought of his choice of a mate.

 

 

II.           PRESENT-FATHERHOOD

 

A.   Present-fatherhood involves that period of time from when the first child is born until the last child leaves the home.  That period of time can last from 18 to 25 to 30 or 40 years depending on how many children a person has and how many years are between each child.

 

B.   Present-fatherhood is difficult because it is the time when one is actually engaged as a father.

1.    Fathers are in their role, but they often do not think about their role.

2.    They are busy putting food on the table, paying bills, putting out fires, and trying to be present in the lives of their children.

 

C.   While a man has children at home, there are some qualities he needs to manifest.

1.    He must be intentional (Prov. 22:6).

 

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

 

a.    Be aware of what needs to be taught to your children.

1)    Children need certain things at certain times in their lives.

2)    Learn what the needs are and create opportunities to feed those needs.

b.    Spend the time and effort necessary to teach those precepts and skills.

1)    This demands your being presence.

2)    This involves your energy and effort.

2.    He must be spiritual (Gen. 18:19).

 

For I know him, that he will command his children, and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment…

 

a.    Example (Eph. 5:1)

b.    Teacher (Eph. 6:4)

c.    Disciplinarian (Heb. 12:9a)

3.    He must be relational (Col. 3:21)

 

Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

 

a.    It is not just about power and control.  Any tyrant can control others.

b.    His authority is tempered with other components.

1)    Love

2)    Compassion

3)    Understanding

4)    Forgiveness

5)    Kindness

c.    A father’s children see him as a person who is in their corner. 

They can take shelter under the cover of his wings.

They love their father and eagerly make their requests known to him.

He is their coach, their cheerleader, and their fan all at once.

 

III.         POST-FATHERHOOD

 

A.   In Genesis 2:24 we read:  “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother…”

 

B.   There comes a time when all of the children are gone from the home. 

1.    Dad is still a dad.

2.    This is the season of post-fatherhood.

 

C.   The challenge is how to be a dad when your children now have their own homes, their own roles, and their own responsibilities.

 

D.   Here are three roles a father can display at this stage of life.

1.    A rock:  steady in beliefs and life, protection, a guide

2.    A counselor:  listen, advise, make plans, critique, evaluate, assess, hold accountable, conflict resolution

3.    Prayer warrior (Job 1:5).

 

…and rose up early in the morning, and offered burnt offerings according to the number of them all:  for Job said, It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts…

 

4.    NOTE:  We did not put the role of financier here. 

a.    This is not the role of a parent once children have left the house. 

b.    The child has established his/her own home and is supposed to take care of that home as authorized by God.

c.    We realize there are some exceptions to the rule.

Too, a parent might have to give some assistance from time to time.

 

IV.         PASSED-FATHERHOOD

 

A.   Dads do not last forever.  Eventually, they go the way of all the earth.

 

B.   In Genesis 50, we have the deaths of two great patriarchs recorded for us.

1.    Jacob (Gen. 50:1-14)

2.    Joseph (Gen. 50:22-26)

 

C.   There are several things that a father can leave behind for his children.

1.    A good name

a.    The Bible applauds a good name

1)    Proverbs 22:1

 

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches…

 

2)    Ecclesiastes 7:1

 

A good name is better than precious ointment…

 

b.    There was a son who was an employee at an event where Fred Smith, the founder of FedEx was present.  He walked passed the boy and saw his name tag.  He questioned the young man about the name and asked who his father was.  The young man told him, and Fred Smith replied:  “Your dad was a good man.”

2.    Some core values (Ex., David was the standard for the kings that followed)

a.    Honesty and integrity

b.    Patience

c.    Contentment

d.    A positive outlook on life

e.    A model to be followed

f.     A love for all people

g.    Spiritual discipline

3.    Many precious memories

a.    Birthdays

b.    Vacations

c.    Holidays

d.    Yearly events

e.    Participation in activities

f.     Crazy little sayings

 

CONCLUSION

 

A.   To be a father is both a responsibility and a blessing.

 

B.   Good fathers are like rudders and anchors on a ship.

1.    They steer the ship to its destination.

2.    They hold the ship steady during the storms.

 

C.   Good fathers may not be honored in the same way that mothers are, but those children who have had them give thanks for them especially when they have families of their own.

 

D.   Two Poems

 

Silent, Strong Dad by Karen K. Boyer

He never looks for praises.
He's never one to boast.
He just goes on quietly working
For those he loves the most.
His dreams are seldom spoken.
His wants are very few,
And most of the time his worries
Will go unspoken, too.
He's there...a firm foundation
Through all our storms of life,
A sturdy hand to hold onto
In times of stress and strife.
A true friend we can turn to
When times are good or bad.
One of our greatest blessings,
The man that we call Dad.

Karen K. Boyer. "Silent, Strong Dad." Family Friend Poems, Nov 2006.

https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/silent-strong-dad

 

 

 

 

My Dad by Michael Macdonald

He wasn't faster than a speeding bullet,
but he was quick to come to my defense.
Unable to leap tall buildings, 
but could lift my spirits when life didn't make sense.

He did not have the strength of a locomotive,
but the size of his heart could crush any man.
He faced all that the world could throw at him
and always told us it was God's glorious plan.

He didn't wear a cape, a mask,
or have any super powers.
But ask any of his friends,
he was there in their darkest hour.

So now he has gone to heaven,
and in God's arms he will be.
But this loving father of eight
was a superman to me.

Michael Macdonald. "My Dad." Family Friend Poems, Jun 2017. https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/my-dad-32