OceanSide church of Christ
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HOW TO HURT YOUR MARRIAGE
Victor M. Eskew
A. Marriage is a sacred institution given to man by God (Gen. 2:18, 21-24).
B. The Bible speaks highly of marriage.
1. Proverbs 18:22
Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
2. Hebrews 13:4
Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
C. The Bible compares the relationship that exists between a husband and wife to the relationship that exists between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:22-33, esp. v. 32).
This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
D. Marriage is not something to be entered into flippantly. Too, those who are in marriage should give serious attention to it every day.
E. Sadly, those who are involved in marriage often bring harm to their relationship.
1. In this lesson, we will look at some of the ways this is done.
2. The title of our lesson is: “How to Harm Your Marriage.”
I. COMMIT ADULTERY
A. When a man and woman stand at the altar, they commit themselves to one another for life.
1. Often the phrase, “forsaking all others,” is in the marriage ceremony.
2. They may also promise to keep themselves true to their spouse, and their spouse only, all the days of their lives.
B. When a man or woman forsakes their vow and involves themselves in a sexual relationship with someone outside of marriage, they destroy the foundational element of the marriage, trust.
C. Adultery is a serious sin.
1. It is listed in the Ten Commandments as a prohibition (Exo. 20:14).
2. Adulterers and adulteresses we condemned to death in the Law of Moses (Lev. 20:10).
3. Adultery heads the list of the works of the flesh (Gal 5:19-21).
4. Adultery, which is included in the word fornication, is the only cause the Lord gave for divorce and remarriage (Matt. 19:9).
D. The wise Solomon counselled his son well in the Proverbs (Prov. 5:18-19).
Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.
II. EXALTING CHILDREN OVER ONE’S MATE
A. Children are often one of the products of marriage. They are truly gifts from God (Ps. 127:3).
Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
B. How can a person exalt children over one’s mate?
1. Spending more time with children than one’s mate.
2. Allowing children to split the husband and wife.
3. Allowing the children to mistreat the husband or wife.
4. Feeling sorry for children, especially in a second marriage.
C. The result of exalting children over one’s mate
3. Lack of intimacy
5. Lack of growth as a couple
6. Overall unhappiness in the relationship
D. Children, however, are not to be exalted over a person’s spouse.
1. Marriage came first then children (See I Tim. 5:14).
2. The relationship one has with his/her children is physical. The relationship a person has with his mate is spiritual (Matt. 19:6).
3. Children eventually leave the home, and the marriage to one’s spouse continues (Gen. 2:24).
III. FINANCIAL IGNORANCE
A. One of the biggest problems marriages face involves financial struggles.
1. Couples have not been taught about finances.
2. Couples have not been taught about contentment.
3. Coupes have not been taught self-disciple and delayed gratification.
4. Couples have not been warned about the dangers of debt.
5. Couples have not been taught that things do not bring happiness.
6. Couples have not been taught the relationship between giving and receiving.
B. The Bible addresses many financial matters in its pages.
1. Attentive to one’s financial condition (Prov. 27:23)
Be thou diligent to know the state of thy flocks, and look well to thy herds.
2. Warning about debt (Prov. 22:7)
…and the borrower is servant to the lender.
3. Contentment (Heb. 13:5a)
Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have…
4. Diligent work is essential to success (Prov. 13:4)
The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.
5. Giving and receiving (Prov. 3:9-10)
Honour the Lord with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase: so shall thy barns be filled with plenty, and thy presses shall burst out with new wine.
C. Parents need to learn how to teach their children about financial matters from a young age.
1. Piggy banks for savings
2. Work to earn things they want
3. Delayed gratification
4. Learning how to plan
5. The basics of budgeting
6. Giving brings a harvest
IV. BAD HABITS
A. From time to time, we can develop bad habits that harm our relationships.
1. Spending too much time with friends
2. Spending too much time watching TV
3. Spending too much time playing sports
4. Spending too much time playing video games
5. Spending too much money
6. Social drinking
8. Constant arguing
9. Constant nagging
10. Being extremely sloppy
B. This is a short list of bad habits. Because most view them as harmless activities, they deny that they are creating a problem in the relationship.
C. Song of Solomon 2:15
Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.
1. Fire could ruin the vines.
2. A disease could ruin the vines.
3. Robbers could come in and steal from the vines.
4. But, the little foxes eating a few grapes at a time can also spoil the vine.
5. In like manner, little habits can destroy the vine of marriage.
V. KEEPING SECRETS
A. Of all the relationships that we have, the one that should involve the most transparency is marriage.
B. Keeping secrets can harm the relationship.
1. Secret money
2. Secret businesses
3. Secret relationships
4. Secret sins
5. Secret purchases
C. All may seem fine as long as the secret remains hidden. When the secret is revealed, the problems begin.
1. The problems:
2. Some often fool themselves into thinking that they will never be found out.
a. “…and be sure your sin will find you out” (Num. 32:23)
b. Cain was found out.
Judah was found out.
David was found out.
Judas was found out.
A. Marriage is a unique institution.
1. It is divine in nature.
2. However, it is composed of two human beings.
B. It is an institution that Satan loves to attack.
1. There are many ways that he can use to harm and destroy our marriages.
2. We must be on the lookout for the evil one.
We must take precautions against his attacks.
We must not let him win the victory over our marriages.
C. In a world that is fighting hard against this institution, Christians need to be the ones who prove the wisdom and the value of marriage to the world.