OceanSide church of Christ
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THINGS I WOULD DO
DIFFERENTLY
Victor M.
Eskew
INTRODUCTION
A.
Would they have done
anything differently?
1.
Adam after Cain slew
Abel?
2.
Eli after his sons made
themselves vile?
3.
David after his experiences
with Absalom?
B.
These men all had children
who committed grievous sins against God, their families, and their
fellowman. Surely, they wished they
had done some things differently.
C.
When you reach my age and
all your children are grown and out of the house, you still experience some of
those same feelings, even if your children have grown up to be faithful to God
and are successful in life.
D.
With Father’s Day in mind, I
decided to present a lesson entitled:
“Things I Would Do Differently.”
I. MORE
KNOWLEDGE BEFORE BECOMING A PARENT
A.
Hosea
4:6a.
My people are
destroyed for lack of knowledge…
B.
Knowledge is essential in
every aspect of life. The more I
know, the better I am if I use that knowledge properly.
C.
Areas wherein I wish I would
have had more knowledge.
1.
Child development,
especially in the early years.
a.
Both personality and character are developed at a very early
age.
b.
Trust, autonomy, industry, identity, and intimacy are traits learned
while children are at home.
2.
How to communicate more effectively.
a.
Sending clear messages.
b.
Active listening.
3.
How to set and enforce rules.
a.
What constitutes a rule? The
guideline and the discipline.
b.
Types of consequences:
natural, logical, and arbitrary.
c.
Follow through.
d.
Consistency.
II. MORE SPIRITUALITY
IN THE HOME
A.
Fathers are responsible for
spiritual training in the home.
1.
Ephesians
6:4.
And, ye fathers,
provoke not your children to wrath:
but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the
Lord.
2.
Colossians
3:21.
Fathers, provoke
not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
B.
Three areas of spiritual
training I would have done better.
1.
Purposeful study (II Tim.
3:15).
And that from a
child thou hast known the holy scriptures, which are able to make thee wise unto
salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
a.
Devotionals are often a hit or miss presentation. Sing a song, read a verse, make a
comment or two, and have a prayer.
b.
Make the home studies pertinent to the child’s state of life and current
issues he/she is facing.
2.
Practical daily application of Scripture to the child’s life (Deut.
6:6-7).
And these words,
which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: and thou shalt teach them diligently
unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and
when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest
up.
a.
We should point out where a scripture applies to
life.
b.
This Bible example applies to what you are going
through.
c.
The child comes to understand that the Bible is our guide in all things
and that it is a relevant Book in every area of life.
3.
Positive example to follow (I Tim. 4:12).
Let no man
despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in
conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
a.
There would never be a time when I would say: “Do as I say, not as I
do.”
b.
They would see me doing what the Bible expects them to do
also.
III. MORE TRADITIONS AND
MEMORIES CREATED
A.
Traditions are “inherited
patterns of thoughts and actions.”
1.
They create memories in the
minds of children. They often
continue with them when they leave the home.
2.
We had a few
traditions:
a.
Cooking out on Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Labor
Day.
b.
A fun summer vacation.
c.
Thanksgiving at my mother’s house.
d.
Going with the family to a movie on Christmas
night.
B.
Memories can also be created
in other ways: birthdays, trips,
school events, gifts, and special talks.
C.
Memories cannot be taken
away. Too, they always remind our
children of home.
IV. MORE LOVE SHOWN TO
THEIR MOTHER
A.
In the home, children are
being taught about the husband/wife relationship.
1.
What children see is assumed
to be how two individuals act in marriage.
2.
They will often carry these
things into their marriages.
B.
Paul instructed husbands to
love their wives.
1.
Ephesians
5:25.
Husbands, love
your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for
it.
2.
Ephesians
5:28.
So ought men to
live their wives as their own bodies.
He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
C.
I
did not come from an emotional, hugging, touching, feeling kind of family. Love was understood and it was
demonstrated in our actions.
D.
There are many things that I
could have done better in loving Kathleen.
1.
Less criticism and more
gratitude.
2.
Pay attention to her words
and ideas.
3.
Assume more household
responsibilities.
4.
Make her desires and needs
superior to my activities.
5.
Understand her feelings and
empathize with her.
6.
Do not act as if I am
superior to her.
7.
Prefer her over other
people.
8.
Add romance to the
relationship: touching, holding, “I
love you.”
Taken from For Better or
for Best, Gary Smalley, “
V. MORE PEACE
AND TRANQUILITY
A.
Isn’t peace and tranquility
one of the inviting aspects of home?
B.
Psalm
133:1.
Behold, how good
and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in
unity.
C.
Many things put stress and
bring trouble to a home.
1.
Moves and
finances.
2.
Rebellion and
sin.
3.
Decisions and
personalities.
4.
Work and church
problems.
5.
Friends and date
mates.
6.
School and
recreation.
D.
The problem is enough by
itself. Handling the problem in an
inappropriate manner only adds to the difficulties.
1.
Aggressively: wrong.
2.
Passively: wrong.
3.
Assertively: right.
4.
Many passages of the Bible
reveal how we should conduct ourselves in the midst of struggles and
problems.
a.
Proverbs 15:1.
A soft answer
turneth away wrath: but grievous
words stir up anger.
b.
Colossians 3:6.
Let your speech
be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to
answer every man.
c.
Colossians 3:12-14.
Put on
therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness,
humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; forbearing one another and
forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do
ye. And above all these things put
on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
E.
Looking back on some
troubles, I know I could have been calmer, more gentle, longsuffering,
compassionate, and kinder. I added
to the problems instead of helping to be the solution.
CONCLUSION
A.
We usually become parent
with little or no training.
B.
As Christians, we try to do
right. Sometimes, however, we
regard how we handled our children.
C.
Fortunately, God grants
forgiveness when we come to Him with a penitent heart.
D.
Sadly, the effects of our
inappropriateness can be long lasting.
E. We exhort the present fathers to learn from my mistakes. When your children are grown and out of the house, that is a phase of life that can never be recovered. Do you job now and do your job well as a father.